Baby cakes, he is engaged.
Tonight I plan to get drunk and forget about everything for a night
RIP Robin Williams :’(
My god we just reached 2k oh my god I feel like I need to write a speech thank you all so much!💕
We don’t actually, I’m sorry :(
Hmm, right now the total is 8 I think.
Why do you ask, lovely?
Part 2 has already been made! I’m on mobile rn so I can’t link you to it, but you can look through the blog until you see the mobile/app master post and it should be on there (:
And thank you very much!
I’m sitting in my room with “This is a song about a girl, this is a song about her long blonde hair, this is a song about the way she stares at me in my american apparel underwear!" sTUCK IN MY FUCKING HEAD
a/n: here’s the re-written prequel to Hold On To Me, Darling. Enjoy(:
"Y/N…Y/N, baby, I’m sorry. I didn-" I pleaded.
"Vic, just don’t." She said, her voice low and cracked as she turned and walked up the stairs.
Perfect. Just perfect.
Running a hand through my messy hair, I let out a frustrated sigh. I couldn’t believe I had let this happen again. Everything in my mind had been rushing around with doubts and I let them get the best of me. And this ends up happening - another fight with Y/N. I was honestly terrible at relationships; we had been dating for three months now and I had fucked up so many times, I lost count.
We’ve been fighting more and more lately, and I could see that it was taking a tole on Y/N.
Sighing again, I stepped forward and went up the stairs. When I got to the top, I could see that our bedroom door was slightly ajar. Through the tiny opening, there was nothing but darkness and silence. I slowly pushed the door open to reveal a pitch black room, but the dim light from the hallway lit up the room. Under the covers with her back facing me, was Y/N. In the low light, the covers around her were shaking. A frown formed on my mouth; I hated seeing her cry and it hurt knowing that I was the cause.
She didn’t turn when I walked up to the bed or when I sat down next to her. Swallowing hard, I laid a hand on her shoulder and leaned closer to her to kiss her temple.
"Vic…please, just leave me alone…" her voice cracked on the last couple of words.
I shook my head. “No. Y/N, I’m not going anywhere. I didn’t mean what I said earlier…I’ve just been so stressed out with tour coming up an-“
She sat up and turned to face me, anger and hurt clouding her eyes. “And what, Vic? And you were just so stressed that you let ‘I can’t fucking stand it when you hover around me' slip out?” There were tear trails staining her cheeks and my fingers itched to wipe them away.
Y/N’s words made me wince. I had snapped at her while I was trying to reason with myself that she’d be fine while I went on tour. “I have no excuse for what I said. All I can say is that I’m so so sorry.” She was about to shake her head but I reached up to cup her cheek and moved closer. “I am truly sorry, Y/N.” I leaned in to bring my lips to her forehead, pressing a soft kiss there.
Pulling away, I pressed my forehead against hers and closed my eyes. “…I’m worried, Y/N,” My voice was shaking slightly.
"About what?" she whispered. The scent of her sweet breath washed over my cheek, sending a shiver down my spine. Opening my eyes, I looked at her, and what I saw took my breath away. Beautiful long, dark brown hair cascaded down and over her shoulders and arms, hanging so low that the tips touched the bed. Perfectly shaped lips that were so lusciously full, I wanted to kiss them all the damn time. She had the cutest nose and her complexion was flawlessly pale. And her eyes, oh her eyes were the richest light brown I had ever seen, with long, full lashes outlining them. But her eyes were also the saddest thing about her. They held such pain that it hurt to look into them and think about what she had witnessed before. Beauty wasn’t a strong enough word to use to describe her and that’s what scared me.
This tour we would be without one another and my worry for Y/N was eating away at me. Even though we had been friends for years, things were different now that she was finally mine. She was so beautiful and perfect and what any man would be lucky to have. And also what had me so stressed and worried. With her being so perfect, there was bound to be other men who were more deserving of her. I was scared; scared that while I was gone, she would find someone else that was better. Y/N deserved better.
Shaking the consuming thoughts from my mind, I lifted the corner of my lips in a half smile. “About you.” I couldn’t tell her the real reason, she’d just feel guilty and I didn’t want that.
Y/N laughed a single breathy note and sighed, looking at me with a admiring glint in her eyes. “Always worrying about me. Don’t you do anything else?” A teasing smirk lifted on her lips, making my eyes dart down to them and a smirk of my own formed on mine.
"Hmm…nope, nothing else." I grinned at her and moved forward to capture those irresistible lips in a heated kiss. She smiled against my mouth and wrapped her arms around my neck, kissing me back. As I laid her down and gently broke the kiss, the racing thoughts calmed and I was reassured that everything would alright. It sounded childish, but I was absolutely set on keeping her safe because she had saved me just as I have saved her.
A blinding light awoke me, shining mercilessly in my eyes through the opening of the curtains. Moving my head downward so it wasn’t blinding me, I felt a movement in my arms. A small groan came from Y/N as she shifted and rolled over. But I tightened my arms around her before she could roll away from me and pressed a kiss to her forehead. Cracking my eyes open, I look down only to be met by a pair of light brown ones. Y/N smiled as I sighed in content and pulled her even closer, loving the feel of her pressed against me.
"Well, good morning," the hum of her morning voice sent shivers up my back. The little smile on her lips was not helping my downstairs morning problem, but I just chuckled and tried to get my mind out of the gutter.
"Morning to you, too." I mirrored her smirk. "Sleep good?"
She rolled her eyes. “Ugh, nooo. You were practically suffocating me last night.” Y/N raised an eyebrow in a mocking angered look, but she ruined it by cracking a smile and laughing. I let out another chuckle and my smile widened when I looked into that light brown hue. Compassion radiated from her eyes, shining brightly like sparkling diamonds. Y/N hardly let her emotions show, but I loved it when I saw that she felt the same as I did for her.
Soon after, we got up and showered. She went to shower but I just couldn’t resist, and walked to the bathroom to join her. this was a normal thing for us; it was never uncomfortable or sexual. I just loved being able to be close to her like this. As I washed her hair, my eyes caught a glance of faded scars that littered her arms and I frowned, worrying once again if she would be okay while I was away on tour.
Hanging the towel back on the rack, I spun around to face the mirror and adjust my clothes. Pulling the black Key Street muscle tank down over the lavender lace bra and buttoning my light blue jean shorts, I starred at the reflection for what seemed like an eternity. After all these years, I still hated looking in the mirror.
But I knew it couldn’t be helped, I wasn’t going to change and the ugliness of my past would never get washed away. Glancing down, my eyes landed on my arm where several faded white scars were scattered. Dark memories flashed through my mind and I could feel myself sinking into oblivion.
A knock on the door snapped me back to reality. My head shot up to the mirror, only to see Vic leaning against the door frame, looking unbelievably sexy in only black basketball shorts. His dark eyes were fixed on me, the look in them unreadable but he quickly slipped on a smile before I could question it.
"See something you like, Fuentes?" A taunting tone took over my voice as a grin lifted on my lips. His mouth turned up into a smile and he stepped toward me.
His strong arms wrapped around my waist and rested his chin on my shoulder. “Always,” He murmured and planted a soft kiss on my neck. “We could just spend our time in bed all day, you know…”
Laughing softly, I shook my head. “No ways. Besides, I wanted to go out today and do things with you before you go away on tour.” Spinning around to face him, I stuck out my lower lip in a pout.
Vic chuckled and tightened his arms around my waist, pulling me close. “Alright. What do you want to do, baby? Anything you want.”
I smiled shyly and looked down. “Could we got to the aquarium?” I wanted to bounce up and down on my toes like a little kid, but I kept myself in check. Vic knew how much I loved the aquarium, and I had a feeling he wouldn’t mind taking me today.
He let out an exaggerated groan but smile gently and said, “Alright, anything for you, pretty girl.”
A small grin spread across my face as Vic leaned forward to kiss my forehead and walk into our room to change. Hopefully today would be perfect; but as I took one last look into the mirror and saw the darkness, I knew it wouldn’t.
When we pulled up to the aquarium, it was late afternoon. Usually Y/N would be out of the car before me, but today she slowly got out and waited for me patiently. Deep down I knew something was bothering her but I let it go, put on a smile as I paid and led us through the exhibits.
She was quiet, silently observing the fish with half-hearted interest. As we moved from tank to tank, I watched her and my worry grew when I saw her scratching at the scars on her arms. I opened my mouth to say something but I think better of my words and gently put a hand on Y/N’s shoulder.
"Come on, let’s get out of here."
She stared at my for a few seconds with a little frown but nodded. “Okay.”
After we got in the car and left, she didn’t say a word, just stared out the window with a blank expression. The sky had opened up and it was pouring; the roads potholes flooding with rain water. My hands gripped the steering wheel so tight, my knuckles turned white. Sighing, I glanced over at her and my heart sunk.
She didn’t look up, keeping her forehead against the window and her hands were lifeless in her lap. Eyes void of any emotion, which was really scaring me. With the rain pouring onto the window shield and the wind howling outside, it had become freezing cold in the car. Reaching out, I switched on the heater and shivered.
"It’s fucking cold." I said, becoming irritated myself by the second.
"I can’t feel anything." she mumbled. My breath faltered as her words hit me. There was a small sigh, then she shifted in her seat. "I’m really tired."
Swallowing hard, I gradually inhaled and then released. “We’re almost there.”
"…where are we going?"
I gave her a small smile as I switched the blinker on and turned on an almost deserted road. “You’ll see.”
I stopped the car when we got to a small lake that I had found a few months back. I parked the car so we were facing the dark water and turned off the engine. Dark gray clouds blocked the sun as heavy rain splattered onto the hood and windows.
My hands never released the wheel, the anxiety of the situation was eating away at me. The silence was killing me and I knew Y/N wasn’t going to say anything. But I was wrong.
"I’m bad news, Vic." she said quietly. "I don’t know why you’ve decided to be here and deal with me, but you should rethink your choice.." Her words sounded robotic, almost like she had been rehearsing them in her mind. I turned to look at her, but she was staring at her lap.
Her words pierced through me and I scrambled to say the right words. “Y/N…you are not bad news.”
She was silent for a few seconds. “If you knew everything, you’d agree with me.”
I shook my head, “No, don’t say th-“
She turned her head toward me, pain ripped through my chest when I saw the anguish and regret in her eyes. Tears were building up in them and she shook her head. “You don’t know, and you should let me go,” Y/N’s voice faltered on the last few words and tears started to fall down her cheeks.
Shaking my head, I reached over and grabbed her hand, giving it a squeeze. “I’m not going anywhere, Y/N.” Her jaw clenched and she ripped her hand away from mine, moving to open the door. Panic washed over me and my hand shot out to take a hold of her arm as my other shut the car door. “Y/N, please don’t do this.”
Gripping tighter on her arms, I inhaled deeply. “I…” Exhaled an uneven breath, knowing that what I’m about to say might change everything for us. Only seconds from disaster and this could end terribly. Our fate was just a few heart beats away. “I love you.” I slide my hands up to cup her face as she shook her head. “I love you, Y/N. No matter what happens - or what has happened - I won’t leave you alone. I will always love you.”
She was still for what seemed like a millennia, but then her body started to heave and she gave in, allowing me to pull her into my arms and let her cry into my chest. We sat there for a long while, the rain raging around us outside, but I didn’t care. All that mattered was Y/N. Nothing else. Finally, I moved back and Y/N climbed over and huddled in my lap while my arms wrapped securely around her.
"Vic." The sound of her strained voice pulled me from my thoughts.
"Yeah, baby?" I glanced down at her and she looked so lost and helpless as she clutched my soaked shirt. But there was a tiny glimmer in her eyes that made me stop breathing.
She tugged on my shirt, bringing me closer to her. “I love you, too.” Then her lips are on mine. I kissed her back and pressed my body to hers, wanting to savor this moment. She said it. She loves me. My mind was racing with a thousand thoughts and questions, but I shoved them aside and deepened the kiss. I have no idea how long we stayed like that, but when we finally pulled away from air, the windows were starting to fog.
I pressed my forehead to hers. “Y/N… you are too important to me. You were always the one, even when we were young, from the moment I met you. I’ve known you for so long and I’ve loved you all this time, but I was so stupid not to say anything. I was just afraid that I’d lose you.” I took a deep breath and exhaled. “I know I’ve made a lot of mistakes, but I’m learning from them. Give me a second chance, please, Y/N. I promise I’ll make it up to you.”
Her smile was watery but I could tell she believed me, the love shining from her eyes said it all. “Okay. And I’m pretty sure second chances will always be there, you’ll need them.”
"Definitely, pretty girl." I grinned at her, relief coursing through me when I saw her smile. It was such a genuine smile that I couldn’t help the tears that started to build up in my eyes as my faith in our love grew even more.
Her smile widened and she leaned in closer. “You’re my future..”
I stared into her eyes and saw nothing but complete trust and love. “You’re my future.” I said, knowing that we’d never go back.
-2 years later…-
Unlocking the door, I walked into the silent house. It was an eerie silence that made my skin crawl. Y/N was nowhere to be seen. She must be sleeping, I thought. Just as I made it up the first step, I heard her scream. My heart stopped. “Y/N?!”
I raced up the stairs and threw the door open. “Y/N!” I rushed to her side and grabbed her face. “Baby, are you okay?!” Panic struck my heart when she peered up at me and I saw her face, tear stained and red eyes.
"V…Vic?" her voice was so broken I couldn’t contain the tears that started to flow down my cheeks.
My heart was breaking but I forced myself to move and picked her up, carrying her to the bathroom. Seeing the deep cuts on her arms and thighs shattered what was left of my heart. I had failed her. I had left her alone when she needed me most and I hated myself, regretting ever leaving.
After I cleaned her wounds, I carried her over to the cleanest corner of the room and just sat down with Y/N in my lap. Silence blanketed us and I could still feel her trembling as she cried, gripping onto my shirt. Finally, when her sobs calmed down, I started to softly hum the very song that I wrote for her, Hold On Till May.
The tune calmed her and made her body relax, so I began to sing the lyrics. I felt her breath hitch and my heart skipped a beat as I squeezed my eyes shut. I needed Y/N like oxygen; I couldn’t think of a future without her. By the time I finished the song, Y/N’s body had gone completely limp in my arms and I opened my eyes, glancing down at her.
"Please, Y/N…please know that I love you and that you will get through this." I squeezed her closer and kissed her head as my voice cracked and tears weld up in my eyes. "I know you will. Hold on to me, darling. We’ll make it through this together."
I was never going to let her go, no matter what. I didn’t care if she pushed me away or ignored me, I was going to love her till we were old and gray, helping her back up whenever she stumbled. She was my pretty girl, my girl who had been stuck in a tree for years, waiting for someone to save her.
And I was just a boy who happened to be there to catch her when she was finally decided to fall out of the tree.
I don’t know if I should be laughing my ass off or horrified at this
I’m so in love with you, I’ll shed my skin and start a new me if that’s what it took for you to love me back…
….but i am a white girl with a big butt?